Benito “W” Spartacus Enraged With France Over Weapons of Mass Destruction
Count George....er Benito "W" Spartacus has called for a League of Nations resolution to combat the French program of cheese based Weapons of Mass Destruction. Secretary of State Colin Powell presents irrefutable intelligence to the League proving without a doubt that the French regime has nearly completed work on "The Mother of All Camemberts."
Said Secretary Powell: "We cannot allow the
cheese eating surrender monkeys to complete their WMDs and threaten all we hold sacred, including Freedom Fries, the Ottawa Senators, Conrad Black and the Little Baby Jesus. Either the French regime surrenders unconditionally, or we go in and cook us up a mess-o-frogs legs."
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Turmoil in Balkans Continues
Austria Hungary Counter Attacks and Re-Takes Trieste
In a not so brilliant move elements of the Austrian Hungarian Imperial Army swept into Trieste promising to restore paprika, goulash, beet soup and corrupt government. Benito “W” Spartacus has dismissed the attack as a minor hindrance to Italy’s plans for European domination and the restoration of Roman glory.
Meanwhile Flavius Justinian has offered to mediate between the two warring factions and has offered the good services of special ambassador Stabbus in the Backus. Both Franz Joseph and Benito “W” Spartacus stated that pigs would fly before they allowed the treacherous Eastern Romans to negotiate anything.
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Pigs Reported Flying Over the Acropolis
Breaking News
Unconfirmed reports from UFO enthusiasts claimed that strange glowing porcine like objects have recently been seen flying over the Acropolis. Urologists state that these objects originate from Area LI, a purported secret military base in Anatolia and also rumoured to be a clandestine experimental barbecue site.
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German Imperial Navy Visits Edinburgh and Grieving Widow
At Balmoral Castle
Several squadrons of the Kaiserliche Marine are currently anchored in the Firth of the Forth on a “courtesy visit” to offer their condolences to the Kaiser’s aunt for the death of Prince Albrecht. The aunt was hear to remark “We are not amused”.
Officials in the Kaiserliche Marine have stated that they will support the widow for as long as it takes for her to return to a normal life which given her current state of depression may take several years.
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Deutsches Heer Begins Grand Russian Tour
Numerous units of the Deutsches Heer having toured Warsaw are now en route to St. Petersburg to take in some Russian culture. Planned visits include the Hermitage, Nevsky Prospekt and the Cruiser Aurora.
Russian tourism officials are reported as being overjoyed at the prospect of the infusion of much needed foreign money even though they are only Euros.
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Eastern Romans Re-Unite Greece With the Byzantine Empire
Cataphractus supported by dromons of the Byzantine Navy have hoisted the dragon banner over the Acropolis.
In a well co-ordinated plan Eastern Roman units forced Austrian Hungarian naval interlopers from the homeland.
To resounding cheers of “SPQR, SPQR” general Belesarius led advance elements of the Byzantine army into Athens.
Unfortunately, retreating Austrian Hungarian barbarians caused significant and willful damage to the Acropolis and other historic sites as they fled from Greece.
Imperator Flavius Justinian is demanding reparations from the vile Magyars for the despoliation of the heart of democracy.
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Her Majesty’s Government in Crisis! Demands increase for Lord Gladstone to resign.
Benjamin Disraeli touted to be next Prime Minister as security breach deepens.
Senior government officials expected to remain unchanged.
As German naval units assembled in the Firth of the Forth for a celebrators sail past recriminations and finger pointing were evident during question period in the Commons. Coming under increasing fire from the opposition the PM looked increasingly vulnerable.
Blaming recent austerity measures and resultant cut backs in border control critics have demanded the resignation of Lord Stanley, head of the British Civil Service.
Meanwhile Liberal opposition members plan to introduce a motion of non-confidence in Parliament as early as Friday.
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