Eastern Roman Empire Appalled at Condition of National Historic Site Prompts Action by Museum of Antiquities
In an effort to preserve the noble history
of the Roman Empire Byzantine archeologists were forced to eject inept Italian
archeologists from Pompeii. Director of Antiquities, Maximus Lootus, has stated
that a special expedition recently occupied the national historic site with the
aid of the Eastern Roman Navy. Lootus has vowed to remove various relics to
Constantinople for ‘safe keeping’ and is currently involved in site
restoration. The brothels are of particular interest.
(CAPTION- MAXIMUS LOOTUS INSPECTING SITE OF
ITALIAN INCOMPETENCE)
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Germany Joins the United Kingdom and Russia as Terms of the European Union Re-Negotiated
In terms dictated by the unholy alliance of
the United Kingdom and the Russian Empire Germany agreed to a re-restructuring
of the European Union. The Kaiser has agreed to abdicate in favour of a newly
structured European Parliament in which Germany will have 1 vote and the other
two members 500.
(CAPTION- LAST GERMAN STANDING)
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Beer Wars Continue to Rage in the Benelux
Froggy Forces under Prince Mac-Mahon
successfully maintained their control over Belgium as British forces were
repulsed in an abortive attempt to control valuable Stella Artois breweries in
Belgium. Promsing lukewarm beer for all Lord Stanley was quoted as stating “If
we Birtish have to drink crappy warm ale then we think everybody should”.
Prince Mac-Mahon was heard to remark the
only things that should be served at room temperature is a good French
Beaujolis and Brie.
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Italians Fleet Pays Courtesy Visit to Marseilles
Elements
of the Regiae Marina have, at the invitation of Prince Mac-Mahon, dropped
anchor in the Port of Marseilles. Whither the Italians go in the future is
somewhat of a mute point as Eastern Roman and Austrian-Hungarian units continue
their assault on the Kingdom of Italy.
Is Italy long for this world?
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General Inefficace decorated by Marshal MacMahon after Belgium Army Disbands
The nation of France was entralled with the skillful retreat by Army #1
of the French Regional Occupation Group (FROG). Shown here decorating the
leader of this unparalleled example of retrograde advance, Marshal MacMahon
stated, "Our armies only advance so that we may show our skill in retreat.
For some time we were concerned that Great Britain might find it difficult to
defeat our FROG army in Belgium. However, General Inefficace, in charge of the
army, developed an ingenious plan. Our troops were in their trenches, manning
the barricades, and determined to resist to the last, when he simply offered
the troops a weekend pass in Paris. By Friday at 5pm, there wasn't a French
soldier left ....
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