Tuesday, April 17, 2012

BBC (Byzantine Broadcasting Corporation) World News: Spring 1873 Vol 1

Red Revolution Sweeps France, Government Collapses

The Third Republic has collapsed with the resignation of Adolphe Thiers and France has been thrown into turmoil.

Revolutionary Local Committees of Public Safety have been created to remove loyal elements of the Third Republic  as units of the French Army and Navy mutiny. Red Revolutionary Leaders have approached Her Most Britannic Majesty’s Government and the Kingdom of Italy to assist them in liberating them from the yoke of oppression.

Forces loyal to the Republic  have set up special flying squads of truth and reconciliation to deal  with widespread revolt. The acting president of the Republic has vowed that heads will roll.

Great Britain and the Italian Kingdom are reported to be rubbing their hands in glee.

Austrian-Hungarians Treacherously Attack Peace Loving Eastern Romans

In Spring of 1872 fascist forces of the Austrian-Hungarian Empire treacherously launched attacks into Bulgaria and temporarily displaced Eastern Roman forces. In a swift counterattack cataphracts  under the command of General Belisarius quickly disabused Franz-Joseph of his foolishness.

The turmoil in the Balkans seems to continue. Imperator  Flavius Justinian has stated that you can trust Franz Joseph about as far as you can throw him......which given his weight is about 2".

One wonders whither Franz Joseph goes having lost Trieste to the liberation forces of Benito Spartacus. Perhaps he may re-consider his alliance with his German puppet masters and in turn offer olive peace branches to the Byzantine Empire.                         

Kingdom of Italy Emerges as a Major European Power

With the re-unification of Italy under the benevolent dictatorship...err that should read the freely elected Benito Spartucus the country has emerged as a major player. After several years of total disorder Bentio Spartacus has led his Kingdom to greater glory.
In a resounding speech to cheering throngs of Fasci di Combattimenti Benito stated:

“We shall go on to for a bit longer. We shall surrender in Trieste, we shall surrender on the seas and oceans, we shall give up with growing nervousness and weakness in the air, we shall surrender our country, whatever the enemy. We shall retreat on the beaches, we shall retreat on the landing grounds, we shall run away in the fields and in the streets, we shall run for the hills; we shall always give up.”

Italian Troops Accidentally Capture Trieste as there was no Austrro-Hungarian Garrion to Accept their Surrender.
 Great Britain Secures Amstel and Heineken Supplies in the Netherlands Plans for Introduction of British Haute Cuisine

Royal Naval units under the command of Admiral Beattie have paid a “courtesy visit” to Amsterdam. Arriving in the port the Royal Navy purchased both the Amstel and Heineken breweries. Having secured most of Europe’s best beers attention now turns to Stella Artois.

On another note the British Trade Commission is drawing up plans to introduce haute cuisine to Brittany and subsequently the rest of France. Sir “Clogged Arteries” Stodge, head of the commission, is promising to bring in such great food as: rôti de boeuf et Yorkshire pudding, le
fish and chips, légumes trop cuits, les bangers et mash, boudin noir, frits Mars barres, petit déjeuner anglais complet, les ouefs Ecosse, etc.

It is rumoured that supplies of antacids and Pepto Bismol in France are in short supply.
 Byzantine Units Counterattack in Bulgaria,
Austria-Hungarians Temporarily Out-Byzantine the Byzantines

In underhanded and dirty tricks worthy of the best of Byzantine diplomacy Austrian-Hungarian units attacked Bulgaria after having negotiated an eternal peace with the Eastern Roman Empire.
Imperator Flavius Justinian immediately ordered General  Belesarius to redress the situation and in a lightening campaign catraphracts supported by Roman dromons and aided by Tsar Alexander’s Imperial Navy quickly disabused the Austrian-Hungarians of their foolishness.

Special envoy Stabbus in the Backus has been dispatched to Vienna to instruct Franz Joseph’s Foreign Ministry staff on the nuances on keeping their word. Otherwise the Austrian-Hungarians stand the risk of being mistrusted by other European countries.

 German Empire Commences ‘Drang Nach Osten’

With the Imperial Russian Empire focused on the crisis in the Balkans Hun forces viciously launched a campaign into Poland. Warsaw has been occupied. Unconfirmed Deustch Reich officials stated that the growing concern over diminishing beer supplies in the Low Countries and a distinct lack of Kielbasa has led Deustchland to take extreme measures.

Whether or not the German Empire can control Warsaw and at the same time prevent further British incursions in western Europe remains somewhat of a mute point.

German support for a common European currency now hangs in the balance. The German Finance Minister has vowed to incorporate the polish Zloty, French Franc and the Dutch Gelder into a common Deustch Mark....err....the Euro.

 Russian Empire Deals With German Incursions, Vows to Reclaim Polish Vodka Distilleries

Russian Imperial forces were forced to retreat as German armies swept into Poland.. Official political pundits are opining why Germany has opened up a two front war...and it isn’t even WW II yet.

Tsar Alexander III is mustering forces in Livonia, Moscow and the Ukraine vowing to reclaim the Grand Duchy of Poland.

Meanwhile Imperial Russian naval units directly threaten Berlin and some wonder if the Russian Imperial flag may soon be flying over the Bradenburg Tor.

CNN (Constantinople News Network) correspondent, Biggus Mouthus,  reports that Tsar Alexander has vowed that with the assistance of his firm friend Flavius Justinian the days of the Central Powers may be numbered......unless they wish to talk......

Note: Views and opinions expresses by the Byzantine Broadcasting Corporation, do not reflect the opinion of the publisher, nor the Montreal Informer.

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